By Karen Taylor
I’ve been writing for a long time – for a living and for pleasure. Looking back into the recesses of time I can just about pinpoint the first pen pal letters I wrote. A teacher at my primary school had been approached by another at a different school and asked if anyone would volunteer to be a pen pal. My hand shot up. As it did when Jeremy asked his Twitter followers if anyone would like to write an essay on how pen pal letters help craft writing skills. My first thought was that any writing does – emails, social media posts, reports, formal letters. They’re all a way of honing our skills. But the intimacy of writing to pen pals gives you much more freedom of expression — one of the fundamentals of good writing.
A Few Early Experiences With Pen Pals
After that early introduction to pen pal writing, it was a few years before another opportunity arose. I’d done a personal assistant’s course at a local tech college and one of the students was Malaysian – Chooi-Ping. Forgive me if I’ve spelt her name wrong after all these years, but we conversed for some time; her airmail envelopes, with their foreign stamps always gave me a thrill of anticipation when they landed on the door mat. I learnt a lot about a different culture through the letters and, also, that people have fundamental similarities. The same fears, hopes, and pleasures.
A few years later I started up a correspondence with a Bulgarian called Maya who’d been my translator on a journalism assignment. The letters eventually petered out, as they often do, but a connection was made – and she recently contacted me on social media.
Those early experiences were a good exercise in formal, restrained correspondence – you rarely open up completely to people you haven’t shared life experiences with. But the letters certainly contributed to my writing skills; I had to choose what words and expressions to use when writing to a friend who had English as a second language. And, of course, I learnt a huge amount about different countries and the associated styles of writing.
Current Pen Pals, and How My Writing Has Benefitted
That said, one of the most rewarding forms of pen pal writing is when you can let rip. I have been blessed with several exceptional pen pals over the years – two good friends who moved away and the third someone who you could categorise as a pure pen pal. I’d never met her “in the real.”
I am still writing via email, text, and FB messaging to two of these people, one for nearly 40 years! Let’s start with Ben – as I will call him, to spare his blushes if he happens to read this article.
Ben is one of the funniest men I’ve had the pleasure of knowing and his letters would have me in stitches. I’ve kept some of his beautifully hand-written letters in my special tin suitcase (yes, I am that soppy) and his inventiveness and wit undoubtedly inspired me to write better. Most of our correspondence was light and entertaining, but occasionally it would touch on some matter or other that was concerning either one of us and the tone would change, the words and sentence structure reflecting this.
These are skills that all writers need and the beauty of writing to a pen pal is that you can write with little fear of recrimination or judgement. You can write about the weather, or the places you’ve visited, themselves fantastic exercises in description and observation, and then you can reveal those other experiences, the ones that search your soul and enrich your life and writing.
My other great pen pal is a woman I’ll call Vicky. I can only describe her as the ultimate pen pal. First off, we started writing to each other without ever meeting – in true pen pal fashion. We had been part of an online writers’ community and I only knew her by her pen name. However, the site was a hotbed of cracking writers and characters and her personality, like many others, shone through her online contributions. She was fun and competitive – the site had a unique competition structure, and she was always in there with an entry jostling for the top story/poem spot of the day. When the site shut down after a few years Vicky sought me out via Facebook and our relationship flourished. We exchanged lengthy messages, covering many key aspects of our lives. I learnt about her family, and she mine. Our children were of similar ages, so we wrote about the travails of education. We went through a truly difficult period together, with our mothers both ailing and dying at the same time. I also went through a difficult separation and, years later, ventured onto the dating scene – sharing the experiences was cathartic and a wonderful way to express powerful emotions in words. On a practical level, Vicky advised me and encouraged me with my writing. She read chapters of my new book, Fairest Creatures, and made helpful suggestions.
Writers do not write in a vacuum. we write from experience and the creative process of relating our lives to a pen pal hones our communication skills.
There has never been a more pleasurable interactive writing experience. It can be spontaneous and stress-free – no one is going to edit those gems. You might even decide to store some away for that future novel. Never forget, you are writing to a pal. Someone who wants to hear from you and loves to respond and encourage. Like all good conversations, listen and learn, as well as relate and emote. Express yourself and be entertained, take advice and give it if asked and don’t be afraid to be moved by your confidences. This is part and parcel of great literature.
Let me end with a spooky thing about my pen pals – often when I think it’s time to contact them, or something significant happens in my life, they make contact. It used to be a welcome plop on the door mat; now it’s more likely to be a ping on my phone. Pen pal lines of communication can be downright magical.
Karen Taylor is an author and journalist. Her serial killer thriller Fairest Creatures is being published by Leamington Books on October 15. Available on Amazon and in Waterstones in paperback and digital.